The Seduction of Captain Smoker
by Key Revolution
Summary: Captain Smoker is having a really, really bad day. With little fiery cherries on top. [SmoAce]


The Seduction of Captain Smoker

Series: One Piece

Pairing: Smoker/Ace

Rating: R to be completely on the safe side.

Word count: 1515

Spoiler: Occurs during Arabasta arc, but no real spoilers, beyond who they are, I guess.

Disclaimer: Sadly, the characters are not mine. But oh, HOW I WISH THEY WERE

Summary: Smoker is having a really, REALLY bad day.

Note: I really dislike all the "Smoker rapes Ace and then they fall in twue wuv" fics, because Raped!Ace is ooc, Rapist!Smoker is COMPLETELY ooc, and hot man rapes hot man does not equal twue wuv. I mean, some of the authors are still really good authors otherwise, but, NO.

And somehow this was what came out of my irritation. Crack much? YES.

THREE BILLION MISTAKES. EDITS PLZ

----

"You know, we just had sex in front of an entire city, which is fine for me, but aren't Marines supposed to keep order and public decency and things like that?"

To his credit, Smoker doesn't jump out of his chair when he hears the voice coming from his windowsill, but one hand immediately leaps to his jitte, which is the Smoker version of leaping three feet into the air and then passing out.

The room is filled with smoke, a way for Smoker to keep watch over the entire room and get a bonus layer of privacy, because if someone entered the room he would know immediately.

But as the smoke clears he sees a grinning freckle-faced pirate that he had completely failed to sense.

Smoker thinks he is developing a rather unhealthy loathing for the fruit the boy had eaten. He is not used to having his powers rendered useless.

But rather than leaping forward and wringing the boy's neck like he longs to do, he just takes an extra long drag on his cigarettes and says in as calm a tone as possible, "What do you mean, 'had sex front of an entire city'?"

"Well, there were our bodies, intertwined together, in and out and around, and no clothes involved."

Smoker winces.

"That… just… was some really nauseating imagery there." He shudders.

"What, you want to do it in flesh form to see what THAT would be like?" Ace says, and he's still grinning, rocking forward on his heels and LEERING at the marine captain.

"I think I'll pass." Smoker says. He really wishes he didn't know that trying to kick the pirate out would be a futile effort. He had seastone in his jitte, but he'd fought the brat, he knew that even that wouldn't be enough.

"Aw c'mon, don't tell me you're going to pretend you're straight. I can TELL you're gay."

"Homosexuality is not something people can just 'detect', and as a matter of fact I have no interest in men, so take yourself and your lewd and uncouth imagery OUT of my office, please, before you tempt me into forcing you out."

"We both know you can't, taichou"

"How astute of you to notice my rank. OUT."

The pirate pouts, quite literally. "Not until I get some sex. I've been chasing this really fat black-haired dude and I ran out of money a long time ago paying for my food, so I can't afford any whores and I'm HORNY."

Smoker actually feels his mouth fall open, although he corrects it immediately. He is clearly having an extremely disturbing dream that involves a pirate getting into his room, and then telling him, a rather powerful captain of the MARINES, as in someone who made a business of hating all pirates' guts, that he was horny and that therefore Smoker should have sex with him.

The feeling expresses itself succinctly in three short words.

"What the FUCK?"

The boy nods encouragingly. "Yes, fuck, screw, make long and beautiful love to, whatever you want to call it."

"Out. OUT."

Possibly the boy senses that Smoker is on the verge of exploding, because he goes.

Rather like a Cheshire cat, he leaves a leer behind.

-----

Hours pass, and Smoker finally manages to file the incident away as "Traumatic Experiences that We Shall Never Think About, Ever Again."

He's walking down the street when he gets ambushed. There isn't really any other word for it, as arms and legs wrap around him from behind without warning.

Only one person is capable of sneaking up on him like that.

"I thought you were leaving to pursue some pirate or other, brat?"

"Unexpected delays came up, and I'm not a brat, y'know, I'm a little older that that."

"You're younger than me and obnoxious. Thus, you are a brat."

"Aw, how mean." The strangle-hold on his neck tightens. "Make it up to me. SEX."

"Are you bizarre because it runs in the family, or because insanity was a side-effect of the devil fruit you ate?"

"Both, although the first reason in probably the main one. Do you want to do it here, in the middle of the street, or do you want me to hold off until we get to the nearest hotel?"

"I don't want to do 'it' at all. Unless you plan on raping me?"

"I'm a pirate. Why not? And you know it wouldn't really be rape, because you'd be secretly enjoying it anyway."

"Haven't you traumatized me enough for one day?"

"Not at all, you're so cute when you don't know how to react."

"Do tell, then, what am I supposed to say to weird pirate boys that get strange notions that I'm gay and want to have sex with them?"

"Oooooh, please, do that AGAIN…"

Smoker tries to slap him, ineffectively, considering how Ace is attached to his back. He would change to smoke, but that would lead to IMAGERY. And Smoker has had more than enough of THAT for one day.

Ace nibbles his ear. Smoker tries not to die from the wrongness.

"You know, I kinda like how you taste."

"Well, I'm sure the universe is fucking glad you do, now will you get the hell of my back? It's bad enough that you're the second pirate I've met who I couldn't beat with both hands tied behind my back, the first being your infuriating brother thanks to his infuriating personality, which is nearly as infuriating as yours. I don't need to add molestation to my list of reasons why the universe sucks, right there next to world hunger and my lack of cash."

"Poor Smoker. Would you like some healing sex to comfort you?"

Smoker clenches his teeth and counts to ten in his head.

"One… Two…"

Screw it all. He feels himself dissolve into mist and lunges at the now empty-handed Ace.

Ace is already fire, twirling around him, not directly attacking him like before but just keeping away.

Must not think of imagery. Must not think of imagery…

When his smoke touches Ace's flame he actually flinches, at least as best as smoke can flinch.

Great. Now, forever and ever, he will never be able to fight Ace seriously again because all he'll be able to think about are which parts of the flame are usually under a pair of pants.

And then Ace is sliding out of his grasp and away, and Smoker feels a sort of relief, because this he can relate to, this he knows how to deal with. He's used to the chase, and he just needs to chase the bastard far, far away from where he is staying, then somehow lose him and flee the continent as quickly as possible. So maybe that isn't the chase so much as the escape. The principal is the same.

Sure, there seems to be some sort of situation here that needs looking into and there's a rubber-boy to follow, but right now Smoker thinks he'll let some other marine take the job, thank you.

And then he's in a hotel room and realizes that he was so caught up in the chase he can't even remember how he got there.

Oh, right, and Ace is no longer flame but an extremely naked man sitting Indian-style on the bed.

Whereas Smoker is a cloud of fog that just realized it is very, very lost and has no clothes, and that Ace just sent out a flame fist to close the window- shouldn't it burn instead?- so that the cloud is now effectively trapped.

The cloud is panicking. Smoker has never panicked before in his life and he does not like the feeling, at all.

"You need to change back eventually, you know. I can wait."

Smoker want to reply something, maybe some sort of remark about how he most definitely can stay like this forever, or maybe just until the little narcoleptic falls asleep, but clouds can't talk, so he satisfies himself with his best smoke glare.

Ace doesn't seem to notice. He pats the bed, instead.

"Hmmm… nice little high-quality place I led you into, hope this isn't someone's room…" He gets up and locks the door, and Smoker wishes smoke had eyes to close. Too much naked man, admittedly hot naked man with nice ass, but definitely way too much naked man.

The boy returns and lifts up the blanket from the bed.

"Here, shy loser, wrap this around you or something, I won't look."

Smoker is getting really tired of being smoke, and he senses a trap here but he relents, slips under the blankets and changes.

To be promptly tackled by Ace.

"Naked Smoker! Yay!"

-----

Several weeks later, when a grinning and drenched boy who looks a lot like his older brother grins and tell Smoker that he doesn't hate him, Smoker stops for one second, wondering what the boy means.

And then, as comprehension dawns, he feels his face grow red with fury. The boy flees, laughing.

Smoker does NOT need the younger brother's approval in order to fuck the elder.


End file.
